I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
