Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
