And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
