I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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