More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
