Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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