We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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