can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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