u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
