dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
