amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
