C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
