If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize