fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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