I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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