sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Found the puke drawer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sext me about skeletons
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
