garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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