how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
