I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
