Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
