i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
