im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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