I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
