you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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