just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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