The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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