everyone is single if you try hard enough
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
