$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
