so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
