Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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