I can text with my tongue
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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