i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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