i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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