yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
