just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
