sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
