it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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