This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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