i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
