i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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