Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
