So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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