I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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