So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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