she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize