fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
