It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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