god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I believe in your delicious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
