I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
