C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Text me some of your sweat
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
