Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
