i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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