Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
