found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
