He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
