I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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