We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
