I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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