Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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