1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
