tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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