I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
