2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
