if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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