i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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