I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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