i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I died a long time ago.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
