Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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