i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
