idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
