Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
