im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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